


Don't Bottle It Up (I'm Here to Endure the Pain with You)

by proceed_with_caution



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Bottom Michael, Cuddles, Fluff, I'm not exactly sure what to tag, Insecure Michael, M/M, Oneshot, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, There's no sex in this but just thought I'd make the positions clear, Top Luke, Yup that's basically it, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 09:26:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6233281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/proceed_with_caution/pseuds/proceed_with_caution
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Michael thinks he isn't good enough for Luke, and Luke tells him differently.</p><p>or</p><p>The one where Michael wants love, Luke wants sex, but in the end they just cuddle because cuddling solves all problems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Bottle It Up (I'm Here to Endure the Pain with You)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there :)
> 
> This is a fluffy little oneshot I thought of because I kept getting stuck on my other fic ((Shameless promo--It's called The Little Wonders in Life (If Only You Stop and Notice Them) go check it out it's Muke)) and yeah basically.
> 
> By the way if you haven't noticed I am /so obsessed/ with fanfic titles with half of it in parentheses I dunno I just really like it.
> 
> And in this fic I was thinking maybe Unicorn Mikey because let's be honest all of us died when he posted that Instagram selfie okay. But uh, I don't remember whether I stated specifically in the fic what color hair he has if I don't mention it then let's just assume it's unicorn Mikey okay :3

_“Michael?”_

_“Yeah, Luke?”_

_“We should do this more often.”_

_“I-I think so too.”_

***

Ever since Luke and Michael had woken up in the same bed after a drunken night out they had been infatuated with each other. It was like the strings that were keeping them apart had just suddenly snapped, and now they couldn’t be separated. Wherever Luke was, Michael was. And wherever Michael was, Luke was.

Ashton and Calum, along with the rest of the world, just saw it as another step closer in their friendship. A totally reasonable guess, of course, just incredibly, incredibly incorrect. Luke and Michael didn’t bother correcting them.

But due to the secrecy of the relationship, they couldn’t be with each other as much as they would have liked. Michael wanted love plus sex, Luke wanted sex plus love. They were made for each other, right?

Wrong.

Michael had attempted multiple times during interviews, dinners, meetings, and other social gatherings to cuddle up to Luke, only to be pushed away in fear of management taking part. Sometimes even a platonic movement of holding hands was suspected, and Michael just didn’t know what else to do.

And as for Luke, it was impossible to count the number of times he staggered, drunk, into their shared hotel room and asked for sex, but ending up rejected because “ _sorry, Lukey, ‘m really tired… Can we just cuddle?_ ” And unhappily getting into bed, wrapping his arms around the older boy.

Not that he were complaining, because every second spent with Michael was like basking in heaven’s glow itself, but dammit he was a teenage boy with raging hormones.

***

“Are you aware of the ships in your band?” the interviewer asked, a young, pretty, brunette woman. Luke liked her. She talked with a funny accent.

“Oh yes,” he said, sharing a smile with Michael, who was sitting on the sofa next to him, and beside him, Calum, last, Ashton. “Well aware.”

“Okay. And which one do you ship the most?” she followed up, leaning forward.

“Lashton,” Ashton said with a giggle.

Calum thought for a while. “I don’t know,” he cried, throwing his hands up in the air, “we’re all so in love!”

The interviewer laughed fakely. “But if you had to choose?”

“I’m going to go with Cake. Because… it’s Cake. Duh.”

“And you, Michael, Luke?”

“I think…Muke.” “Muke. Definitely Muke.” They said at the same time, then the whole band breaks down laughing.

***

Michael had been acting strange since the interview, Luke thought. His eyes were almost always cast downwards, and he didn’t talk as much. Anyone who didn’t know Michael that well would have just thought that he was tired and distracted, as teenagers do. But Luke knew better.

His suspicions were further confirmed when Michael pushed away a bottle of ice-cold beer set down before him on the coffee table. He sprawled out across the black leather couch, hugging a cushion to his chest and looking at something on his phone, the glow of the small screen illuminating his already pale complexion.

“Pizza, anyone?” Calum walked into the room holding two boxes of pizza, and Michael’s head snapped up. Luke laughed at his actions and thought that maybe he was just overthinking things as he tends to do, and that maybe there was nothing wrong with Michael.

Michael was on his fourth slice when Ashton piped up. “Slow down there, Mikey. The pizza’s not just for you, ya know.”

“But… but it’s pizza!” Michael protested lightly, a hint of a whine in his voice.

“He’s right, Michael,” Calum joined in, “besides, you’re gonna get fat if you keep eating like that.”

“Whatever,” the purple-haired boy grumbled, and stayed quiet for the rest of the time.

Luke noticed that once Michael finished the slice he was holding, he didn’t pick up another. In fact, as soon as all four of them finished, he immediately got up and mumbled an excuse about how he was exhausted from the show and he was going to go to sleep early.

Suspecting something was off, Luke told Calum and Ashton that he was going to go check on Michael.

***

He found Michael curled up in his bunk bed, hiding his face in a pillow. His shoulders were shaking and Luke could hear little staccatos of gasps.

“Mikey?” he asked gently, wondering what it was that had gotten him so worked up.

Michael removed his face from the pillow. When he saw it was Luke, his bottom lip trembled and he looked away.

“I can’t do this,” Michael said, his eyes red and puffy and his cheeks flushed. He had obviously been crying.

“Do what?”

“This! This—thing,” Michael gestured between them, “us.”

“Do you not want the others to know? It’s fine with me, we can just keep it between us two. The fans don’t have to know, we can even keep it from Cal and Ash if you like, though that’s going to be a bit difficult. It’ll still work though,” Luke paused, “is that okay?”

“No,” Michael said quickly, “No, not that. I just—I just don’t think I—”

Luke moved a piece of Michael’s hair out of his eyes. “What do you want?” he asked, interrupting him mid-sentence, “Tell me what you want, anything, and I’ll give it to you. I promise.”

“Don’t you see?” Michael’s voice was hoarse. “I don’t want anything. Not from you.”

Hearing this, his heart broke. “Why not?”

Michael shook his head and twisted away from Luke’s gentle touches.

“Tell me,” he insisted, but those forest-green eyes won’t stop flitting around, flickering everywhere but him.

Michael winced. “I’m not good enough for you,” he whispered, playing with the hem of his ratty t-shirt. “I’m fat and I’m ugly and I’m a-a-annoying.”

Luke’s eyes stung with tears. He blinked rapidly, forcing them back. How could Michael say that? How? Doesn’t he realize how beautiful he is? From his vibrant hair colors to his dirty scuffed black Converse he was literal perfection. Why doesn’t he just realize it?

Pulling the older boy into an embrace he buried his nose into Michael’s shoulder. “Michael… Michael… Michael…” he whispered over and over again, wanting to show him how much he loved everything about him but unable to put it in words.

Michael broke away from him. “I’m not good enough for you,” he repeated in a louder voice, as if now that it was out he had to expand on that. “You’re perfect, everyone likes you, everyone looks up to you, and you can have anyone you like, but I’m only dragging you down.” Swallowing thickly, he added, “You can do so much better, Luke. Don’t be with me. I’m telling you. I’ll only ruin everything.”

“No!” Luke burst out, a tear squeezed its way out. “Why would you even _think_ that,” he knew he sounded wrecked, he could hear it himself, “Michael Gordon Clifford, I’m telling you,” Michael flinched at the use of his full name. “Don’t you _ever_ degrade yourself like that, do you hear me?” When he was met with no response, Luke grabbed his shoulders, forcing Michael to look him straight in the eyes. “ _Do you hear me?_ ” he asked again, this time louder and more forcefully.

Surprised at the sudden outburst, Michael nodded, maybe a bit fearfully, but it was better than nothing.

“Michael, please don’t think that you’re not good enough for me,” Luke’s heart ached. Gently he eased himself forward until their foreheads touched and they leaned against each other, “You’re perfect. You deserve _so much more_. Fuck, if anything, I’m not good enough for you.” Michael was breathing in short, stuttering breaths, and Luke could feel it against his own lips. Michael smelled like apples and mint. Refreshing, sweet, and so comforting.

“Michael,” Luke said, and waited till the boy looked at him, eyelashes fluttering open, “I-I love you, Michael Clifford.”

He watched as Michael’s lips formed a silent _O_ and then moments after a small smile appeared on his face.

“U-um,” his tongue darted forward to wet his lips, turning them a shiny red that reminded Luke of raspberries, and he wondered if they would taste just as sweet as them, “I love you too.”

Unable to keep the grin off his face, Luke beamed, so hard that he felt his chapped lips splitting and they would probably bleed but he didn’t care, not at this moment, not when Michael Clifford told him that he loved him too.

“So, we good?” Luke patted Michael’s knee.

“Y-yeah,” A tiny hiccup escaped the older boy’s mouth and Luke thought that was just the cutest thing ever.

“Good,” Luke kissed Michael’s forehead.

“Mmh,” Michael hummed.

They cuddled for the rest of the night, and that was when Luke finally realized that sex wasn’t that important in their relationship.

**Author's Note:**

> I am horrible at endings sorry don't hate me.
> 
> Moving on~ I'm a slut for kudos and comments so please do so ;). They make my day.
> 
> And as always, I love y'all so much I'm not even kidding you guys are amazing.


End file.
